Step 9

This last weekend, I completed Alcoholic's Anonymous Step 9. I blogged the 12 AA steps earlier, but in case you don't remember- they are: 1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. 2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5.Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Step 9 is famous for being one of the most difficult-- "Made direct amends to such people (those who I had harmed) wherever possible, except where to do so would injure them or others." You need to speak to your sponsor and get direct coaching on it before taking Step 9. You are instructed not to apologize or say "I'm sorry" (no one wants to hear an alcoholic say "I'm sorry" again). You are told to tell the person you are an alcoholic and the wrongs you have done to them. It isn't necessary or helpful to go into every single detail. This is helpful for me because I'm a "black out drunk" and frankly can't remember every detail. You then ask the person what you can do to make amends. Some people have a really hard time with it. I go to AA with one women, who tried to do Step 9 with her Aunt. When she asked what she could do to make amends, her Aunt said "Why don't you just go die?". Most of the time, people respond by just asking you to stay sober, keep going to AA or going to counseling. Some Alcoholics have to deal with stolen money, damaged property, infidelity, so these amends are very difficult. Since most of the people to whom I needed to make amends were in my family, I knew I would get a loving response. So, I took an extra step and tried to think of some things I could under take on my own as penance. I've never heard of another alcoholic doing this, but it worked for me. I made donations to MADD, Isaiah's House (a local organization that provides alcoholism rehabilitation for low income men) and the National Coalition for the Children of Alcoholics. In addition, I'm volunteering as a tutor during the week at Collins Children's Home, an orphanage in Seneca. I meet with them this Wednesday. I'll keep everyone posted.

Milestones

Tonight finished my formal treatment in the Lionrock Intensive Outpatient Program. I presented my Phase 5 Homework to the group, said my goodbyes and next week start the "Bridge Group" (more on that later. It's worth stopping to consider where we are now. I started AA in Walhalla, South Carolina 168 days ago. Since that time, I have been in AA or Counseling 142 days, or 85% of the time. I started Lionrock 15 weeks ago. I have now been sober for 110 days. Bridge Group meets once a week, and it is free. Formally, it is supposed to go 4 weeks, but I've been told that I can attend as long as I want. On to the next step.

Lionrock Phase 5 Homework- Graduation Assignment

Lionrock Phase 5 Homework Discharge Plan Objectives: Once completed by prepared to share these assignments with your primary therapist and your group. You will be asked to e-mail or text a copy of these assignments to your primary counselor for your client chart. 5.1 Describe in detail what your Recovery will look like for the first month following discharge from Lionrock treatment. Be very specific and use concrete behavioral terms. Describe what you will do, when you will do it, where you will do it, with whom you will do it, and why you will do it. Consider all that you’ve learned about yourself throughout your course of treatment and try and include Recovery activities that address your specific issues. Use the attached weekly schedule as a visual planning aid. Develop a set of Recovery activities that you will be able to stick with for the entire month without changing. Remember that addiction hurts us Biologically, Psychologically, Socially and Spiritually, so our Recovery needs to promote healing in all of those areas. 5.2 Complete the Phase Five Personal Recovery Plan form, identifying areas of your life that will be addressed in your Discharge Plan. 5.3 Present your Recovery Plan and Calendar to your group for feedback and suggestions. Personal Recovery Plan Drug and Alcohol Use Where are you now in your dosage of drugs and alcohol? I take 20mg Lexapro daily. I have never taken illegal drugs in any form. I currently do not drink alcohol and have been sober for 103 days. Where would you like to be? Exactly where I am with long-term sobriety. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? I plan post-Lionrock support of 4 weeks in Lionrock Bridge Group, followed by 8 weeks of employer-provided Counseling, in conjunction with regular AA attendance. Social Support Where are you now in your social support system? My social support system is greatly improved from where it was when I entered Lionrock. This was a big problem for me. I had no personal connections where I worked and I lived near my workplace in isolation. My relationship with my family was intermittent, and sometimes distant. Now, my social support system is much stronger. I have renewed and strengthened relationships with old friends in my hometown, reestablishing those relationships on a non-drinking basis. I have established local supportive relationships with people in my workplace and with many people in AA through regular attendance in my AA Home Group. In addition, my Recovery has helped to strengthen my family relationships and I keep up regular connections with my family members. In addition, my wife stays with at me near my workplace (South Carolina) most weeks, and we spend weekends together at our home in Kentucky. Where would you like to be? I am in a good place with my social support system, but I want to continue strengthening those important relationships with family, friends back home and friends near my workplace. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? I need to continue to strengthen these relationships by thinking more and more of others. I need to continue making more and better contact with my family and focus that communication on them and not myself. In my work relationships, I need to become more open in those relationships and work on giving more than taking. In my relationships with friends I need to continue to deal with them honestly. For relationships in AA, I need to begin to work with newcomers and make them feel welcomed, eventually moving into a mentor relationship when I have a longer period of sobriety. Physical Health How is your physical health? My physical condition is much better than it was when I entered Lionrock. I used to be tired all the time and always felt like I needed to sleep. In addition, I had high blood pressure, sometimes as high as 150/ 95. Now, I have energy like I did 20 years ago, and I need much less sleep. I’m back to sleeping about 6-7 hours a night. I used to struggle to stay up until 8:30- 9 each night, and now I go to bed at 10:30-11. Best of all, my Blood Pressure is 123/78. I have not gained weight during my recovery, but I am 20 pounds overweight and my doctor says my bad cholesterol is on the high side. Where would you like to be? I would like to lose about 20 pounds and have my cholesterol down to the normal range. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? I have registered for Figure Weight Loss Program at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital in Edgewood, Kentucky. I have a 2 hour evaluation on October 9 and meet regularly with a Physician, Dietician and exercise specialist to advise me on weight loss. Losing another 20 pounds and reducing consumption of red meat a fried foods will reduce my cholesterol. Family Relations Where are you now in your relationship with your family members? My relationship with family members is very much improved since I entered Lionrock. My alcoholism had place a great strain on all of my family relationship as my drunken, erratic behavior had really damaged everyone in my family. Those relationships have started to improve significantly improved as I achieved longer periods of sobriety. While there is still repair work to be done, our relationships improve every day. Where would you like to be? I would like to continue mending and rebuilding my relationships with my family members. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? Most of all, I need to continue being sober and rebuild trust. I can also help rebuild and restore relationships by communicating openly and honestly and working to think continually more about other people than myself. Emotions Where are you now in your emotional life? My emotional life is now positive and strong. Although I still have low moments, especially when I’m reminded of my past failures, and I stronger and more optimistic by far. Meditation and prayer have helped me to calm myself in distress, to the point where I can ride rollercoasters and deal with turmoil at work without running off the rails. I have a much stronger ability to live life day by day instead of getting caught up in the turmoil of what-ifs. Where would you like to be? I would like to continue to grow emotionally and become continually more stable and strong. I know that I can’t make life’s adversities go away, but I want to be more capable of dealing with them. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? Sobriety makes me capable of dealing with emotional variation and manage it appropriately, so this is the most important factor. I need to continue to improve my coping skills to deal with adversity and situations effectively and efficiently, especially focusing on using the HALT technique, which I have found to be very effective. Spirituality Where are you now in your spirituality? My relationship with God is much closer than it was before. I pray and meditate on a regular basis, and I often pray with my wife. I have begun attending church regularly and started to go to weekly classes on religious education through the church. Where would you like to be? I would like to continue to grow closer and closer to God. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? I can continue to take the religion classes through church and continue to pray, meditate and trust God in my life more and more. Work Status Where are you now in your work status? My work status is very good. I work for a good company in a position I enjoy. I have another potential opportunity at work, but I don’t know yet if that option will work out. While I enjoy my job, the company is going through massive changes in organization and I have a new boss, all of which causes me stress. Where would you like to be? I can’t really control all of the organization changes at work and everything else, but I can control how I do my job. I would like to be better and better at my job. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? I will study Taguchi Methods, a methodology my new boss is fluent in, so I can work with her more effectively. I will create development plans for all people reporting to me to improve the overall effectiveness of my Department. Financial Status Where are you now in your Financial Status? My financial status is good but can be improved. My income is good, but retirement savings are not as good as they should be for the future of my wife and I . On the good side, I had two daughters getting married this Fall and managed to pay for most of it without going broke. Where would you like to be? I want to be financially stable with a solid retirement savings. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? I can work with a Financial Advisor to establish and execute a solid, feasible retirement plan. Fun and Recreation What do you do now for fun, relaxation, and recreation? I like to listen to music, hike, and play with my dog. I enjoy reading and studying history, and I enjoy doing family genealogical research. What would you like to do? I would like to spend more time in recreation, just having fun- but recovery has been pretty time consuming between Lionrock, Homework and AA. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? After I have finished extended counseling, I will schedule more time for relaxing and free time in general, while still continuing AA attendance. Romantic Relationships What is your current “relationship” status? I have been married for 28 years, and our relationship has been healing from its low point in the darkest periods of my alcoholism. Things we’re really tough at one point and our marriage was in significant danger, but we heal more every day. How would you like it to be? I would like to continue to grow closer and closer, learning to love and appreciate one another more and more. What actions can you take to accomplish your goals in this area of your life? Sobriety, openness, honesty and communication every day make everything better. Bridge Entry Letter Dear Bridge Facilitator:_________ I am writing to express my desire to join_________@ time_______ Here are some things I want you to know about myself -Describe what prompted you to seek our Lionrock Recover and recovery from your addiction. I came to Lionrock because I had hit my low point. I had attended AA for about two months and had reached, at one point, 30 days of sobriety then relapsed again. My last few relapses were awful (they seemed to get progressively worse). I woke up in Chicago by Police pounding on my door, and it took me a while to figure out I was in a hotel in Chicago and at first I couldn’t figure out how I got to Chicago. Another time, I was driving through the hills of Virigina to meet my wife and got so drunk drive I blacked out and had no idea where I was or what I was doing until she miraculously found me. Finally, I drank all night, got up in the morning and drove drunk home for about 7 hours (somehow by God’s grace I didn’t kill anyone). This brought me to Lionrock. Since joining, I’ve been sober and am now at 103 days of sobriety. I have embraced meditation and prayer, stop thought and HALT as very effective means to maintain my sobriety. -Describe your experience with your drug of choice and what benefits you have gained since giving up your drug of choice. My drug of choice was alcohol. I preferred beer, but as time went on the type of alcohol became less important. At the end, I usually had a bunch of beer followed by hard liquor because it would hit me faster and would do this after no eating all day just to get the maximum effect. Since I quit drinking, my brain is almost back to its old level of functioning, my relationships with friends and family are all improved and my work performance is markedly better and this has been recognized by my employer. -Describe your recovery experience. In this section, include what you have discovered to be your relapse triggers, high risk situations, and warning signs. Also discuss your overall thoughts regarding current and potential problems in your life. I could write pages about relapse triggers, high risk situations and relapse warning signs. Here are some key points for me: Relapse triggers: Places include Airports, gatherings with friends, hotels, and company social functions. The biggest situation for me as a trigger is being alone. Along with that the most significant trigger for feelings is loneliness. I drank in the past to kill or dull emotional pain. Warning signs of a relapse that are most applicable to me are feelings of loneliness, minor depressions, feelings that nothing is going to work out, feelings of impending doom and the feeling that I don’t need help anymore. Current problems in my life are changes in my job situation (large scale company reorganization that will result in a change in my job and a new boss), financial planning for the future, and the ghosts of past alcoholic behavior that still hurts my relationships. Potential problems in the future are job changes, and the adjustment of my wife and I to the “empty nest” as our children have started leaving home to begin lives of their own. -Indicate your intentions regarding your sobriety during your admission to the Bridge group. I intend to remain sober for the rest of my life, but I know to do this I just have to take it one day at a time. Sincerely…… Daniel

Lionrock Phase 4 Homework: Recovery Resources

4.4 Make a list of the types of professional treatment providers and support groups you think you would need to work with upon discharge to maintain your Recovery, i.e. individual therapist, psychiatrist, physician, acupuncturist, group facilitator, spiritual advisor, treatment professionals. If you already have the established relationships with any of these providers, list their names and phone numbers and give a brief note next to their name describing whether or not they should be part of your new sober support system and why. Staff may assist you to identify professional resources in your community and to schedule an appointment prior to discharge. AA, Walhalla, SC, Pass It On Group, 877-544-8426, St. Francis Catholic Church This group is my home AA Group and should be a part of my support system AA, Seneca, SC, Seneca Serenity Group, 877-544-8426, Seneca Presbyterian Church This is my backup AA Group in South Carolina (the one I go to when I can’t make my home group), and should remain a part of my support system. AA, Florence, Kentucky, ALANO Club, 859-282-9552 This is my second backup AA Group when I’m in Kentucky. They should remain a part of my support system, but probably to a lesser degree than others on this list. AA, Fort Thomas, Kentucky, New Life Group, First Christian Church This is my primary group when I’m in Kentucky and should remain part of my support system. Sherry xxxxxxxx, Employer EAP provided Counselor, Seneca, SC 864-784-3422 Sherry is the Counselor assigned to me by my company Employee Assistance Program. I receive 8 weeks of counseling in this program and plan to start with her as soon as I finish with Lionrock. She should be part of my support system Employer EAP Hotline, 800-311-xxxx, www.guidanceresources.com, Web ID MGR311 Dr. Gabriel xxxxx (Primary Physician), 859-356-xxxx

Lionrock Phase 4 Homework: 15 Characteristics for People in my Sober Support System

Phase 4 Homework: Developing and Utilizing a Sober Support System 4.1 List 15 personal characteristics that an individual would need in order to be an effective part of your sober support system. 1. Honest: An individual in my sober support system should be honest. They should be able to deal with me honestly, telling the truth no matter how uncomfortable it may be. 2. Good listener I’m not the best at communicating, so a person in my support system should be good at listening and interpreting what I communicate. Listening skills must extend to both verbal and non-verbal communication. 3. Caring An individual in my support system must be caring. They must be a caring person in general- focused on people other than themselves as part of their normal life and caring about my well-being specifically. 4. Nurturing The person must be nurturing, wanting to use a coaching/coaxing approach when appropriate to help me move toward success and sobriety. 5. Straightforward While a person in my support system should be nurturing when needed, they must always be straightforward, someone who tells it like it is. This is honesty, but also honesty with an edge when needed- someone who doesn’t have to couch a difficult message in niceties. 6. Accessible A person in my support system needs to be physically, emotionally, and mentally accessible to help me deal with whatever issue may be present. 7. Sense of urgency In addition to being accessible, an individual in my support system must have an appropriate sense of urgency to help me deal with issues quickly and decisively whenever possible. 8. Open to inputs The person must be open to inputs they receive both from myself and from others. I’m an unusual person in many senses and an individual in my support system must be open to unconventional and unusual inputs. 9. Flexible Just as and individual must be open to inputs, the person must be flexible in dealing with issues and finding solutions. 10. Resourceful Capable of helping to find solutions and additional help when the first line of options may not be available. 11. Creative Open and able to suggest unconventional solutions and improvement ideas that may go beyond known means. 12. Disciplined An individual in my sobriety support system should be reasonably disciplined in their own lives so that they can help me deal with issues without undue distraction. It is unreasonable to expect a person undisciplined in their own life to help me restore order to mine. 13. Familiar with me An individual in my support system should be reasonably familiar with me and my situation. 14. Knowledgeable An individual in my support system should be knowledgeable about alcoholism, others in my support system, and the first line of defense options for my condition. 15. Sober Any individual in my support system must be consistently sober, with established periods of sobriety.

Lionrock Homework, Phase 3, Step 7 Coping Strategies

3.9 Now that you have created a List of 10 Relapse Warning Signs, create coping strategies you can implement for each warning sign to avoid and relapse by answering the following questions: “I can manage these thoughts by…..”, “I can manage these feelings by….” and “I can manage these actions by….”. Isolating Myself I can manage these thoughts by: Making connections with loved ones, friends and my support structure I can manage these feelings by: Talking openly and honestly with these people I can manage these actions by: Making connections and reminding myself that I’m not abandoned, even if I’m physically separated from people. Starving Myself I can manage these thoughts by: Being realistic about my body and reminding myself I have “body issues” I can manage these feelings by: Eating a healthy food option I can manage these actions by: Keeping up my diet, eating healthy things on a regular basis. Worrying Over the Future I can manage these thoughts by: Staying within each day, focusing on those things that I can control I can manage these feelings by: Keeping focused on things I can control today I can manage these actions by: Staying within today’s issues and not getting pulled down by “what ifs” Put Unrealistic Expectations on Myself I can manage these thoughts by: Setting expectations that can be achieved I can manage these feelings by: Reminding myself that I don’t have to be Superman I can manage these actions by: Staying within myself, and reminding me of what great people my kids have become Thinking I Don’t Need Help Anymore I can manage these thoughts by: Going to meetings/ Counseling I can manage these feelings by: Helping others I can manage these actions by: Continuing the maintenance of attending meetings, sharing openly and doing service Focus on Other People’s Issues I can manage these thoughts by: Taking care of my side of the street first I can manage these feelings by: Doing my own self-maintenance I can manage these actions by: Seeking out advice and help through meetings and counseling Depression I can manage these thoughts by: Keep taking my Lexapro I can manage these feelings by: Being aware of where I am mentally and seeking out help if I sense I’m in a “slow slide” I can manage these actions by: Getting help before I have a big problem Dwelling on Old Painful Issues I can manage these thoughts by: Reconciling those issues, realizing where I have responsibility and forgiving others. I can manage these feelings by: Praying I can manage these actions by: Praying and trusting these things to God Exhaustion I can manage these thoughts by: Setting realistic expectations for my schedule and leaving time to relax and enjoy myself I can manage these feelings by: Actively engaging in self care, giving myself enough time to rest and relax I can manage these actions by: Providing enough time to rest as a priority Repressing Anger/ Frustration I can manage these thoughts by: Speaking out calmly, expressing my feelings instead of repressing them I can manage these feelings by: Telling someone else in my support network if I can’t tell a family member I can manage these actions by: Not repressing feelings and dealing with them when I need to, including that sometimes I just need to let them pass.

Lionrock Homework, Phase 3, Step 6: Circumstances under which I am likely to relapse

Under What Circumstances Am I Most Likely to Drink Again There are several circumstances that could lead me to drink again. I’ll list them in order of impact: 1. Isolation There was a time when I would have written that this was physical isolation. It is not. In fact, it is isolation from the people who are important in my life and, upon reflection, I find that this isolation is almost always self-imposed. Physical distance from my loved ones is not that important- after all I’ve spent most of my adult life traveling for business away from my family and didn’t have a problem. The real difficulty for me is when I isolate myself. This means I don’t call people, I don’t text, facetime or reach out. For me, keeping up these contacts is like preventive maintenance. If I keep up these contacts and feel connected with my friends, support, and family, or have almost no chance of relapsing. 2. Starving Myself My last several relapses followed after I was trying to starve myself or lose weight. The last one was after an ill-conceived 48 hour fast. Interestingly, after drinking to the point of blacking out, I still didn’t eat and drank again the next day. My blood sugar drops and gives me a very strong craving to drink at a level which I never experience otherwise. 3. Worrying Over the Future I’m very good at worrying about the future- thinking about all the horrible things that could happen. I’m especially good at “if this, then that” thinking, extrapolating from failure to failure to make a nightmare scenario of how a small issue today could turn into ultimate disaster. Engaging in this kind of thinking drives up my anxiety like crazy and makes me depressed and very prone to drinking. The way to combat this is to keep it to one day at a time. 4. Not Seeking Help I firmly believe that I’ll never drink again unless I stop getting help. This may involve counseling, AA or other support systems. Thinking that I don’t need help anymore is the path to hell. Not actively getting help lets me distort my thinking into believing that my drinking really wasn’t so bad. That those were “isolated incidents” and that I can be “normal” again. I have a disease that will always need treated, for my entire life. If I stop getting treatment, it can (and probably will) kill me.

Lionrock Homework Phase 3, Step 3- Behaviors that could damage my Recovery

10 Behaviors that could damage my Recovery 1. Wallowing in Self-Pity: When I’m actively feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how bad I have it, I tend to drink. 2. Worrying over the future: I extrapolate into the future about all the horrible things that could happen. This makes me feel hopeless and makes me want to drink. 3. Placing too high of expectations on myself: I think my level of personal success or level of support I should give my family is impossibly high and feeling like a failure, and makes me want to drink to the point of passing out so I don’t have to think about it. 4. Isolating myself: Actively neglecting all of my personal contact points and making myself isolated. When I isolate myself is the only time that I drink. 5. Actively trying not to think of emotionally painful issues: Repressing emotional pain from a variety of events, wanting to drink until I pass out or sleep. 6. Repressing anger: Thinking of and dwelling on current or past issues that I’m angry about and wanting to drink to make it go away. 7. Starving myself: Starving myself to try to lose weight makes me crave alcohol. 8. Failing to pray and meditate: This leaves me uncentered and ungrounded, and leads to drinking 9. Failing to exercise: This leave me without release and tends to make me pent up and nervous 10. Failing to relax/ do enjoyable activities: Very important, failing to relax and enjoy myself makes me open to a lot of negative thoughts, that turn into drinking

Lionrock Homework Phase 3, Step 2: 10 Thoughts that pose a threat to your Recovery

Make a list of 10 thoughts that pose a threat to your Recovery. 1. I’m a failure: I haven’t succeeded, and failed to achieve what I needed to in life. I’m wasted potential. 2. I’m going to get fired: I’m doomed because of circumstances at work and everyone in my family will suffer because of it. 3. I let everyone down that depends on me: I’ve failed to provide for everyone the way I should and I’ve failed in my most basic function as a father and husband. 4. Everyone has abandoned me: I’ve been left alone and no one cares. 5. No one will help me: Every one knows I have a problem, but no one is helping me get better. This proves they don’t care 6. No one will know: If I have just one drink alone, no one else will know, so what’s the harm? 7. I don’t have a drinking problem, I just don’t manage drinking well: This is the classic alcoholic thought, that somehow I can just manage drinking better and then it’d be no problem. 8. I don’t really need help: I wasn’t really that bad, I don’t really need counseling, AA, or any of that stuff. I’ll be OK on my own. 9. It’s crazy to think I’ll never drink again: If it’s crazy to think I’ll never ever even have so much as one beer for the rest of my entire life, why not have one right now? 10. It would be nice to be “normal” again: I’d like to go back to being like “everyone else” and have a drink or two and not make a disaster of myself (truth: I was never, ever, like “everyone else”).

Lionrock Homework Phase 3, Step 1: Identify 10 places that pose a threat to your Recovery

Phase 3 Homework, Step 1: Identify 10 places that pose a threat to your recovery, write a brief description after each place describing why you chose it. 1. Airports: I had (perhaps) my worst relapse in an airport and drinking in airport lounges was a common habit for me. 2. Any place where I’m alone: Almost every time I got horribly/ blackout drunk, it was when I was drinking alone. 3. Car: In the past I drank alone in the car (and while I was driving) 4. Hotels: I often drank from hotel mini-bars or had beer from Room Service when I was alone. 5. My bedroom at home: I often drank there alone, drinking my wife’s box of cheap wine. 6. Company social functions: All of these seem to be alcohol based. 7. Pubs: I really enjoy the atmosphere and old style beer 8. China: This is the place where I drank the most, had the most blackouts, had the worst behavior, etc… much of my experience in China was alcohol based. 9. Liquor stores: for obvious reasons 10. Gas Stations: Tall cans seem to be readily available everywhere even if you don’t seek them out.

Cognitive Distortion Homework Part 2

Cognitive Distortion Homework

My Phase 2 Homework is on Cognitive Distortions (I wrote about the different types of Cognitive Distortions in a previous post). I'm share it here--- please remember that I'm sharing openly. It is uncensored and represents what I thought before, so please don't get worried about me when you read it: Three Cognitive Distortions you tend to use most often and give a personal example of the automatic negative thoughts: Cognitive Distortion: Fortune Teller Effect Automatic Negative Thoughts: If I don’t complete this task at an outstanding level, my boss will think badly of me, they’ll decide I’m ineffective and I’ll get fired. Cognitive Distortion: Disqualifying the positive Automatic Negative Thoughts: I had a good weekend with my family, but now I’m alone and abandoned where I work and it shows that no one really cares about me. The good weekend was just a mirage. Cognitive Distortion: Should statements Automatic Negative Thoughts: I should have been able to pay for all of my kid’s educations, and should have been able to send my wife and kids on more trips, should have been able to give my kids a nest egg when they started out, should have been able to pay for a bigger wedding, better wedding dress, etc…. Because I didn’t or couldn’t I let everyone down and I’m a failure. Thoughts/ Feelings/ Urges/ Actions Related to Family or Significant Other Old Thoughts: No one cares about me, I’ve been abandoned here alone and they only care if I generate income. They know I need help, they know I’m suffering but no one will help me. Feelings: Abandoned. Forgotten. Urges: Forget this pain and sleep. Actions: Drink until I pass out. New Thoughts: My family loves me and cares for me, even if we’re apart physically Feelings: Accepted, supported, loved Urges: Make contact with my family Actions: Call them, facetime, text them Related to your friends Old Thoughts: I need to drink or they won’t accept me, our social life revolves around drinking Feelings: Endangered, on the verge of being rejected Urges: Fit in and be accepted Actions: Drink a lot to make sure I impress everyone New Thoughts: My friends like me for who I am Feelings: Accepted, appreciated, valued Urges: See my friends when I’m sober, with my real personality showing Actions: Stay sober and be myself Related to your ability to stay sober Old Thoughts: I won’t be able to stay sober. How could I go my whole life without having another Guiness? The idea is ridiculous, besides I don’t really have a drinking problem, I just have a problem managing my drinking. Feelings: Hopeless Urges: Might as well drink now, if I can’t go forever without having one. I’ll manage it better this time. Actions: Have a drink, followed by many more New Thoughts: I just need to stay sober today Feelings: Confident, capable Urges: Get through the wave of cravings Actions: Step away, stay sober Related to Work Old Thoughts: I’m a failure, whatever I do that’s good is going to be wiped away by one mistake, one forgotten thing, one bad performance, a new boss or a change of organization Feelings: Hopeless, doomed Urges: Drink so don’t think about it anymore Actions: Get enough to drink that I pass out. New Thoughts: I do my job the best that I can and I do it well. That is within my control. Feelings: Confident, satisfied Urges: Stay sober to stay sharp and do my best Actions: Don’t drink , stay sober and strong Related to treatment at Lionrock Old Thoughts: This won’t help, I’m a hopeless case. Feelings: Hopeless, Doomed to fail and disappoint everyone Urges: Quit so I don’t have to talk about my problem, since it won’t be solved anyway Actions: Quit Lionrock New Thoughts: I can stay sober I just need help Feelings: Hopeful Urges: Seek out help Actions: Share my feelings and experiences openly, take advice