Criticism

AA meetings are always interesting. Sometimes fun, sometimes heartwrenching, but always interesting. Most days, there is a reading (and sometimes a very long one, like an entire chapter in the Big Book) with people making comments on what is read, but today we had an open discussion meeting. The leader introduced a topic and everyone shared. Sometimes it applied to the topic, sometimes it didn't but everyone shared from the hearts. The topic was criticism. As the newbie, I went first and talked about how critical I had been of Kris and by extension the kids for so long. I was critical of everything she did and said. I was so predictable in this that my tendency to oppose anything she said would have been a running joke if there had been anything funny about it. I did this out of embedded angry over stupid unresolved issues for which I am entirely to blame and the root cause of that is my own selfishness. Many other people shared similar things, but it was driven home how many people have been terrible damaged by the fierce criticism, physical and sexual abuse during childhood from the adults in the lives (and sadly, these adults are usually the parents). AA meetings aren't about crying and horror stories, but tonight there were a lot of 40-70 year olds who broke down talking about the things that happened to them when they were children. Losing a parent as a child is surely a horrible, devastating tragedy, but it has to be almost nothing next to living with a parent that gives you nothing but manipulation, abuse, hostility and hatred. It's not OK for anyone to abuse alcohol, but I fully understand why people who were raised in the hellish environments do.