Strange Places

I travel a lot, and go to AA in a lot of different places. I've been to meetings in South Carolina, Kentucky, Ohio, Michigan, Budapest, and Paris. Most recently, I went to an AA meeting in Altoona. They are all the same, following AA principles and the basic meeting guideline, but are also different in odd ways. Today's topic in AA was the Daily Reading about how all alcoholics are equal in our weakness and difficulty, and that we don't worry about things that make us different like income, social status, prison records, etc... This really came home in Altoona where we meeting in a tiny room in a rickety building that seems to have been built by Amateurs. Sitting at the table in uncomfortable chairs was a pretty rough looking group, including me. Yet, at this meeting I heard some of the best insights I've heard anywhere. Alcoholics are a very strange group and very difficult to judge.

Uncle Hiram

Alcoholism is in my DNA. My body doesn't process alcohol like a normal person and the toxic (and carcinogenic) acetaldehyde stays in my system and sits in the fluid around my brain. There's nothing I did to cause it. I was born with it. My parents never drank. On my father's side, his parents never drank. I do family genealogy, and one person on that side stands out. The family moved to Indiana, bought a farm and started to make a life of it, but (as tradition says) Uncle Hiram "drank up the farm". I always wonder if this is where my bad DNA came from, and if my other ancestors were spared because they simply never drank alcohol...? Poor Uncle Hiram.

"Dubious Luxury"

AA is very flexible, yet completely inflexible. Each group operates independently, guided by only a few simple rules- yet some things are common to every AA on the planet. One is the "Big Book"- the chronically blue large volume that guide alcoholics everyhere, and another is "Daily Reflections", covering each day of the calendar year. Today's Reflection is "Anger- a Dubious Luxury". Here it is--- "If we were to live, we had to be free from anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may the the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things were poison." As an alcoholic, I have an irreversible medical condition. It is embedded in my DNA. I can't change it. To make things worse, my behavior has cemented that neural pathway to cope with unhappiness, depression, etc... As a result, I need to work constantly to control my behavior-- not to be passive and without emotion, but to accept things around me instead of building up anger and resentment. I can't carry these things around or they will destroy me. A normal person can be mad for years about something--- this is the dubious luxury-- but I cannot.

Yeller Chip

I received my yellow 9 month chip from AA in Walhalla last night. By tradition in Walhalla this is called the "yeller" chip because of how some long past member used to pronounce "yellow". It was nice-- lots of applause, hugs and congratulations. I really appreciate the Walhalla group that got me through a lot of the difficult early AA Steps. That being said, I'm kind of tired marking time and getting chips, which I suppose is normal. After this, I'll get a chip on my anniversary and another one every year after.

9 months

A few days ago, I passed the milestone for 9 months of sobriety. Tonight, I'm back in South Carolina and will go to my home meeting in Walhalla (isn't it weird my "home" AA meeting is in Walhalla, SC?) to get my 9 month chip. I remember one of my early meetings when I guy spoke during the meeting and said, very happily, that tonight he would be picking up his 9 month chip. I thought this was a real impossibility for me. Even though I'm surrounded in AA by people who have been sober for years (some for 30-40 years), this seemed abstract to me just starting out. Nine months seemed much closer to me and all the more impossible. Remember that I had to go through my first 30 days three times before it took. I haven't been to this meeting for months (I've been to meetings in Florence, KY, Budapest and Paris), so it's been a long time since I've seen these people. It will be fun to pick up that chip and add it to my key chain. I think it's very cool that I'm picking up this chip on the same day we learn what day Lyla will be born. It's a great reminder of how changed life is now.