Friends and Family

During the early period of my sobriety, it was a real puzzle for me how I should manage my relationships with friends and family in relation to alcohol. We got together with friends in LaGrange during the first few weeks of my sobriety, when things were really, really raw. It was difficult. Everyone was drinking and I remember the alcohol all along the kitchen counter (this is normal) and a large basket full of tiny bottles of vodka and gin. The alcohol in the house made my flesh crawl every time I walked through the kitchen to go use the restroom. At one point, Kris got suspicious that I snuck some vodka and I let her drink the water in my glass to prove my innocence. Every time we've gotten together with our LaGrange friends, the drinking continues at the same level before I quit drinking. It doesn't bother me now as I've learned to manage my alcoholism more effectively, but if I'm completely honest I harbored some resentment about this. Everyone knew I was an alcoholic and had quit drinking-- couldn't they stop drinking at these social occasions or at least moderate a little?? In retrospect, I've learned to come to grips with all this by (in AA style) thinking of my own contribution. The fact that I struggled with drinking and was a stupid drunk was not a surprise to my friends, they already knew. But the first visit during my sobriety, everyone was already several drinks in when I arrived and told them I was an alcoholic, I couldn't manage my drinking, and I had stopped drinking altogether. What was everyone to do? Pour their drinks onto the ground? I had surprised everyone and put them in an odd situation. After that night, a precedent had been set. I'm reminded of our family trip to Lake Michigan early in my sobriety. We all struggled with what to do with me. All the previous versions of this annual trip featured alcohol, sometimes prominently. No one knew what to do. At first, the alcohol was out, then it was hidden, consumed in "secret". The basic problem was that I had failed to define what I needed. The cause of this was that I had no idea what I needed or wanted. It was all new to us and we all struggled, maybe me more than anyone. To make things more confusing, I didn't know how I felt from minute to minute. I was often asked if I minded if anyone drank in my presence. Sometimes, I didn't mind at all. Sometimes it made me want to drink. Sometimes it made me want to puke. I have learned that I'm not unusual in this case. Even in AA meetings I have heard long-term sober members say they avoid occasions with alcohol, and others proudly say they don't let alcohol at social occasions bother them. Thank God at this point, my life is a lot easier, I'm comfortable around people drinking and it no longer bothers me.