Lionrock Homework, Phase 3, Step 7 Coping Strategies

3.9 Now that you have created a List of 10 Relapse Warning Signs, create coping strategies you can implement for each warning sign to avoid and relapse by answering the following questions: “I can manage these thoughts by…..”, “I can manage these feelings by….” and “I can manage these actions by….”. Isolating Myself I can manage these thoughts by: Making connections with loved ones, friends and my support structure I can manage these feelings by: Talking openly and honestly with these people I can manage these actions by: Making connections and reminding myself that I’m not abandoned, even if I’m physically separated from people. Starving Myself I can manage these thoughts by: Being realistic about my body and reminding myself I have “body issues” I can manage these feelings by: Eating a healthy food option I can manage these actions by: Keeping up my diet, eating healthy things on a regular basis. Worrying Over the Future I can manage these thoughts by: Staying within each day, focusing on those things that I can control I can manage these feelings by: Keeping focused on things I can control today I can manage these actions by: Staying within today’s issues and not getting pulled down by “what ifs” Put Unrealistic Expectations on Myself I can manage these thoughts by: Setting expectations that can be achieved I can manage these feelings by: Reminding myself that I don’t have to be Superman I can manage these actions by: Staying within myself, and reminding me of what great people my kids have become Thinking I Don’t Need Help Anymore I can manage these thoughts by: Going to meetings/ Counseling I can manage these feelings by: Helping others I can manage these actions by: Continuing the maintenance of attending meetings, sharing openly and doing service Focus on Other People’s Issues I can manage these thoughts by: Taking care of my side of the street first I can manage these feelings by: Doing my own self-maintenance I can manage these actions by: Seeking out advice and help through meetings and counseling Depression I can manage these thoughts by: Keep taking my Lexapro I can manage these feelings by: Being aware of where I am mentally and seeking out help if I sense I’m in a “slow slide” I can manage these actions by: Getting help before I have a big problem Dwelling on Old Painful Issues I can manage these thoughts by: Reconciling those issues, realizing where I have responsibility and forgiving others. I can manage these feelings by: Praying I can manage these actions by: Praying and trusting these things to God Exhaustion I can manage these thoughts by: Setting realistic expectations for my schedule and leaving time to relax and enjoy myself I can manage these feelings by: Actively engaging in self care, giving myself enough time to rest and relax I can manage these actions by: Providing enough time to rest as a priority Repressing Anger/ Frustration I can manage these thoughts by: Speaking out calmly, expressing my feelings instead of repressing them I can manage these feelings by: Telling someone else in my support network if I can’t tell a family member I can manage these actions by: Not repressing feelings and dealing with them when I need to, including that sometimes I just need to let them pass.

Lionrock Homework, Phase 3, Step 6: Circumstances under which I am likely to relapse

Under What Circumstances Am I Most Likely to Drink Again There are several circumstances that could lead me to drink again. I’ll list them in order of impact: 1. Isolation There was a time when I would have written that this was physical isolation. It is not. In fact, it is isolation from the people who are important in my life and, upon reflection, I find that this isolation is almost always self-imposed. Physical distance from my loved ones is not that important- after all I’ve spent most of my adult life traveling for business away from my family and didn’t have a problem. The real difficulty for me is when I isolate myself. This means I don’t call people, I don’t text, facetime or reach out. For me, keeping up these contacts is like preventive maintenance. If I keep up these contacts and feel connected with my friends, support, and family, or have almost no chance of relapsing. 2. Starving Myself My last several relapses followed after I was trying to starve myself or lose weight. The last one was after an ill-conceived 48 hour fast. Interestingly, after drinking to the point of blacking out, I still didn’t eat and drank again the next day. My blood sugar drops and gives me a very strong craving to drink at a level which I never experience otherwise. 3. Worrying Over the Future I’m very good at worrying about the future- thinking about all the horrible things that could happen. I’m especially good at “if this, then that” thinking, extrapolating from failure to failure to make a nightmare scenario of how a small issue today could turn into ultimate disaster. Engaging in this kind of thinking drives up my anxiety like crazy and makes me depressed and very prone to drinking. The way to combat this is to keep it to one day at a time. 4. Not Seeking Help I firmly believe that I’ll never drink again unless I stop getting help. This may involve counseling, AA or other support systems. Thinking that I don’t need help anymore is the path to hell. Not actively getting help lets me distort my thinking into believing that my drinking really wasn’t so bad. That those were “isolated incidents” and that I can be “normal” again. I have a disease that will always need treated, for my entire life. If I stop getting treatment, it can (and probably will) kill me.

Lionrock Homework Phase 3, Step 3- Behaviors that could damage my Recovery

10 Behaviors that could damage my Recovery 1. Wallowing in Self-Pity: When I’m actively feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how bad I have it, I tend to drink. 2. Worrying over the future: I extrapolate into the future about all the horrible things that could happen. This makes me feel hopeless and makes me want to drink. 3. Placing too high of expectations on myself: I think my level of personal success or level of support I should give my family is impossibly high and feeling like a failure, and makes me want to drink to the point of passing out so I don’t have to think about it. 4. Isolating myself: Actively neglecting all of my personal contact points and making myself isolated. When I isolate myself is the only time that I drink. 5. Actively trying not to think of emotionally painful issues: Repressing emotional pain from a variety of events, wanting to drink until I pass out or sleep. 6. Repressing anger: Thinking of and dwelling on current or past issues that I’m angry about and wanting to drink to make it go away. 7. Starving myself: Starving myself to try to lose weight makes me crave alcohol. 8. Failing to pray and meditate: This leaves me uncentered and ungrounded, and leads to drinking 9. Failing to exercise: This leave me without release and tends to make me pent up and nervous 10. Failing to relax/ do enjoyable activities: Very important, failing to relax and enjoy myself makes me open to a lot of negative thoughts, that turn into drinking

Lionrock Homework Phase 3, Step 2: 10 Thoughts that pose a threat to your Recovery

Make a list of 10 thoughts that pose a threat to your Recovery. 1. I’m a failure: I haven’t succeeded, and failed to achieve what I needed to in life. I’m wasted potential. 2. I’m going to get fired: I’m doomed because of circumstances at work and everyone in my family will suffer because of it. 3. I let everyone down that depends on me: I’ve failed to provide for everyone the way I should and I’ve failed in my most basic function as a father and husband. 4. Everyone has abandoned me: I’ve been left alone and no one cares. 5. No one will help me: Every one knows I have a problem, but no one is helping me get better. This proves they don’t care 6. No one will know: If I have just one drink alone, no one else will know, so what’s the harm? 7. I don’t have a drinking problem, I just don’t manage drinking well: This is the classic alcoholic thought, that somehow I can just manage drinking better and then it’d be no problem. 8. I don’t really need help: I wasn’t really that bad, I don’t really need counseling, AA, or any of that stuff. I’ll be OK on my own. 9. It’s crazy to think I’ll never drink again: If it’s crazy to think I’ll never ever even have so much as one beer for the rest of my entire life, why not have one right now? 10. It would be nice to be “normal” again: I’d like to go back to being like “everyone else” and have a drink or two and not make a disaster of myself (truth: I was never, ever, like “everyone else”).

Lionrock Homework Phase 3, Step 1: Identify 10 places that pose a threat to your Recovery

Phase 3 Homework, Step 1: Identify 10 places that pose a threat to your recovery, write a brief description after each place describing why you chose it. 1. Airports: I had (perhaps) my worst relapse in an airport and drinking in airport lounges was a common habit for me. 2. Any place where I’m alone: Almost every time I got horribly/ blackout drunk, it was when I was drinking alone. 3. Car: In the past I drank alone in the car (and while I was driving) 4. Hotels: I often drank from hotel mini-bars or had beer from Room Service when I was alone. 5. My bedroom at home: I often drank there alone, drinking my wife’s box of cheap wine. 6. Company social functions: All of these seem to be alcohol based. 7. Pubs: I really enjoy the atmosphere and old style beer 8. China: This is the place where I drank the most, had the most blackouts, had the worst behavior, etc… much of my experience in China was alcohol based. 9. Liquor stores: for obvious reasons 10. Gas Stations: Tall cans seem to be readily available everywhere even if you don’t seek them out.

Cognitive Distortion Homework Part 2

Cognitive Distortion Homework

My Phase 2 Homework is on Cognitive Distortions (I wrote about the different types of Cognitive Distortions in a previous post). I'm share it here--- please remember that I'm sharing openly. It is uncensored and represents what I thought before, so please don't get worried about me when you read it: Three Cognitive Distortions you tend to use most often and give a personal example of the automatic negative thoughts: Cognitive Distortion: Fortune Teller Effect Automatic Negative Thoughts: If I don’t complete this task at an outstanding level, my boss will think badly of me, they’ll decide I’m ineffective and I’ll get fired. Cognitive Distortion: Disqualifying the positive Automatic Negative Thoughts: I had a good weekend with my family, but now I’m alone and abandoned where I work and it shows that no one really cares about me. The good weekend was just a mirage. Cognitive Distortion: Should statements Automatic Negative Thoughts: I should have been able to pay for all of my kid’s educations, and should have been able to send my wife and kids on more trips, should have been able to give my kids a nest egg when they started out, should have been able to pay for a bigger wedding, better wedding dress, etc…. Because I didn’t or couldn’t I let everyone down and I’m a failure. Thoughts/ Feelings/ Urges/ Actions Related to Family or Significant Other Old Thoughts: No one cares about me, I’ve been abandoned here alone and they only care if I generate income. They know I need help, they know I’m suffering but no one will help me. Feelings: Abandoned. Forgotten. Urges: Forget this pain and sleep. Actions: Drink until I pass out. New Thoughts: My family loves me and cares for me, even if we’re apart physically Feelings: Accepted, supported, loved Urges: Make contact with my family Actions: Call them, facetime, text them Related to your friends Old Thoughts: I need to drink or they won’t accept me, our social life revolves around drinking Feelings: Endangered, on the verge of being rejected Urges: Fit in and be accepted Actions: Drink a lot to make sure I impress everyone New Thoughts: My friends like me for who I am Feelings: Accepted, appreciated, valued Urges: See my friends when I’m sober, with my real personality showing Actions: Stay sober and be myself Related to your ability to stay sober Old Thoughts: I won’t be able to stay sober. How could I go my whole life without having another Guiness? The idea is ridiculous, besides I don’t really have a drinking problem, I just have a problem managing my drinking. Feelings: Hopeless Urges: Might as well drink now, if I can’t go forever without having one. I’ll manage it better this time. Actions: Have a drink, followed by many more New Thoughts: I just need to stay sober today Feelings: Confident, capable Urges: Get through the wave of cravings Actions: Step away, stay sober Related to Work Old Thoughts: I’m a failure, whatever I do that’s good is going to be wiped away by one mistake, one forgotten thing, one bad performance, a new boss or a change of organization Feelings: Hopeless, doomed Urges: Drink so don’t think about it anymore Actions: Get enough to drink that I pass out. New Thoughts: I do my job the best that I can and I do it well. That is within my control. Feelings: Confident, satisfied Urges: Stay sober to stay sharp and do my best Actions: Don’t drink , stay sober and strong Related to treatment at Lionrock Old Thoughts: This won’t help, I’m a hopeless case. Feelings: Hopeless, Doomed to fail and disappoint everyone Urges: Quit so I don’t have to talk about my problem, since it won’t be solved anyway Actions: Quit Lionrock New Thoughts: I can stay sober I just need help Feelings: Hopeful Urges: Seek out help Actions: Share my feelings and experiences openly, take advice