Sleep

I used to have such a horrible time sleeping. I would be up several times each night and would go to bed each evening at 8 or 9. I was chronically exhausted and couldn’t stand it. I understand now that I was going to bed so early because I couldn’t handle being awake and dealing with my own thoughts, worries, and anxieties. I never felt suicidal, but sleep to me was mini-suicide. I could just shut off my brain for a while and make everything stop. Of course, this proved to be as horribly ineffective as self-medicating with alcohol. When I was younger, I could always get by on about 6 hours sleep. A year ago, I thought I was getting old because I literally couldn’t get enough sleep and was in a state of chronic exhaustion. Now, I turned my addiction over to God and focus on yielding, and not trying to manage things myself. As a result, the last 2 weeks I’ve been going to bed at 10:30-11, and waking up at 5-6. Turns out I’m my old self again (or possibly a little bit better!).