Example from Step #4

There's a lot of information in Step #4, but the concept can be a little hard to understand. I thought it might help if I gave an example: The first person on my resentment list was my Mother. I resented her for many reasons: She gave me up to be raised by someone else when I was little and she was sick, and when she was well again, she still wasn't particularly interested or engaged, she's been rude to my wife and mother-in-law many times, and she doesn't pay any attention to my wonderful, beautiful, intelligent children. There are many other things on that list, as you can probably imagine. My Dad was second because he's always been passive with Mom and our relationship. This is a Father that literally never threw me a baseball, didn't teach me how to ride a bike, never shot baskets, nothing. When I pray for patience and understanding, I realize that although they are pretty disconnected they do love me (and each of you). I realize that my Father was definitely an abused child and I think my Mom probably had a tough childhood also. I also realize my Mom was overwhelmed with a house full of kids and had a hard time managing them. I realize that I was at fault for constantly trying to get their attention and approval, even as an adult. As a result, I put your Mom through a lot of trouble and pain while I was trying to get Mom and Dad to be impressed with me. I still love my Mom and Dad, but I have given up on needing to impress them. Do you realize that since Mom and I were married, I've lived alone for four years? I only spent three years without children. Each time I lived alone (living in Dongguan, then Zhongshan, living in Texas, the PA until we moved, living in KY until every moved and now living alone in SC), it seemed logical and I was actually the one who drove the decision- but my feelings of abandonment and being forgotten all came to the forefront and had a lot to do with my alcoholism. As a result of this (and a lot more) in the 4th step, I've become to understand much more about myself and why I drank to the point of near-destruction. By understanding what drove me to my crazy illogical behavior and I can understand how to keep myself from doing it again.